5 Topics to Discuss Before He Pops the Question

We have all seen it, those corny sitcoms and chick flicks where the  proposal goes terribly wrong. The guy pops the question and the girl is so blindsided that she doesn’t know what to say. What could have been one of  the most romantic nights of their lives turns into an awkward hiccup in their relationship. Wouldn’t it be nice to know for certain that he is “The One” before he gets down on one knee?

If a couple can get on the same page about their future, that special moment can be full of excitement rather than anxiety, and hope rather than doubt. There will be nothing holding her back from squeeling that desired answer, “Yes!” while tossing her arms around his neck. Having some important conversations about the future can alleviate all that stress and allow them to enjoy that moment to its fullest, and remember it for years to come.

How to have the perfect proposal
Having a photographer there to capture the moment will help you to remember it for years to come. This beautiful photo was taken by Cydney Photography. You can view her page Here.

The best way for couples to get on the same page is to have honest conversations about their future. How and when to have these conversations will depend on the individual couple. Some may prefer to gradually discuss these things during their courtship as they naturally come up. Others may want to fill out a questionnaire like a worksheet and then compare answers. Some may prefer a combination of the two.

When my husband and I were dating, he created a game so that we could ask each other important questions in a fun way. We each wrote down questions similar to the ones below on sticky notes. After we placed the sticky notes down, we took turns rolling a dice. We had to answer the question that we landed on. It turned out to be fun, and really helped us to get to know each other’s hopes and dreams. On other occasions, we casually talked about what we would do if we couldn’t have children, and my desire to be a Stay at Home Mom. (read more about that here.)  We got to know each other pretty well.

Here is a list of some important discussion points to help get you started.

  1. Morals:
    1. What values do we expect each other to live?
    2. What religion will we practice?
    3. How active will we be in said religion?
  2. Education/Career:
    • Do we want to pursue higher education?
    • How will we pay for it? (Save up/cash flow/Student loans)
    • Where are you willing to live to pursue education?
    • What careers do we want to have?
  3. Money:
    • How will we earn it?
    • What are our savings goals?
    • What are we willing to go into debt for? house/car/education etc.
    • How will we Save/Spend/Give our money? We love the free Everydollar app.
  4. Children.
    • Do we want kids?
    • How many?
    • When?
    • How will we raise them?
    • Will one of us quit work to be a stay at home parent? if so, which parent?
    • Will me make them go to church?
    • Will we expect them to do chores?
    • Will we let them participate in sports. extracurricular activities?
    • What schooling do we want them to have? public/private/charter/home school etc.
    • If we are unable to naturally conceive, will we seek medical help/adopt?
  5. Family:
    • Do we get along with each other’s parents?
    • How close do we want to live to them?
    • How involved will we let them be in our lives?
    • Are we comfortable with them babysitting our kids?
    • Who’s family will we spend Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Years with?

5 Topics to Discuss Before He Pops the Question.

These questions and many more will help a couple decide if they are a good match. Listening to the heart is essential as well. There is no equation that can be written to calculate a definitive answer. The Heart MUST be involved in a decision this big. All this while being careful to recognize the difference between lust and love. Ignoring warning signs because you “love” them, is a bad idea.

Communication is so important before a ring is placed on that finger. It is better to find out now if fundamentally different goals are desired before sacred marital promises are made, and before children are brought into the equation. On the other hand, (The one with the sparkly diamond! See what I did there?) having the same vision towards the future will create the perfect foundation for a successful proposal and marriage.

5 Topics to Discuss Before He Pops the Question.
Having the same vision towards the future will create the perfect foundation for a successful proposal and marriage.

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WORK It’s a Four Letter Word

WORK. It’s a Four Letter Word. Well you don’t say… Of course it is, anybody who knows how to read and count could tell you that. Why do people like to tell you how many letters are in words? I don’t get it. I can imagine myself having a conversation about that with my 3 year old, but it just sounds weird coming from a grown man. He says, “WORK. It’s a four letter word.” I’m all like, “Wow! This guy really knows what he is talking about! I better listen real carefully… He probably has something important to say.” I wonder if it is kind of like when people ask themselves easy questions to make them sound smart.  Let’s try it.

Do I want to go grocery shopping with two kids again? No.

Do I think having my 3 year old go potty before we leave  the house is going to keep him from having to “Go!” three more times at the store? No.

Am I going to make him try anyway? Yes.

Why? Because I am a mom. It is what we do.

Okay, now I get it. That was fun. I do feel smart!

Anyway, I don’t have a job outside of the home. But I still work. I am a full time stay at home mom. I am my kid’s mom and my husband’s girlfriend. (Thanks Dr. Laura!) I am on the clock twenty four hours a day, seven days of the week. Many days I work through lunch, and sometimes I get literally screamed at when I take a potty break. My job description includes, budgeting, paying bills, doing dishes, folding laundry, meal planning, grocery shopping, meal preparations, changing diapers, wiping tears, rocking children to sleep, nursing, entertaining children, taxi driving kids to activities, teaching preschool, lots of hugs and cuddles, repeat, repeat, repeat! Sometimes my job is lonely, sometimes it is fun. It can change from calm to crazy in seconds, but it is always worth it. I love my job!

My husband works incredibly hard so that I can stay home with our two kids. My family is my treasure and we feel that our family benefits best when I save my energy for them rather than being distracted by work. This week has confirmed to me that I am exactly where I need to be right now. This is in no way a slide to working moms, I think you are incredible! This is just what we have decided for our family. Having a hardworking husband, and budgeting with the everydollar app have made it possible for me to stay at home, and I feel very blessed to do so.

I am really grateful for the opportunity I had to work this week. My Husband and I have some financial goals we are working together to meet, and this brought us a little closer to reaching them. That is another story for another time. All I am going to say about  our financial goals today is;

  1. Taxes are the worst!
  2. Hiring a tax man is worth the money.
  3.  I am so glad we take advice from Dave Ramsey

My dad was in a bind this week since he had a 2 man job he needed to do while his business partner was out of town. He actually asked my husband Anthony if he could do it, but he has had so much extra work lately that he just didn’t have the time. It was only a 3 day job so we figured, I could step in and help my dad out. Plus the paycheck would push us closer to our goal. We did outside labor in direct sunlight with the temperature reaching 106 degrees. It was exhausting, but it felt good to work hard. It felt good to see the project when it was completed. It felt good to earn money. But most of all, it felt good to be home with my family when I was done.

Me and my dad at the end of our last day of work together. It feels so good to be done!

While I was working, the hubby caught up on kitchen chores I didn’t have time to complete, fed the kids dinner, and put them to bed. All after working a full day. He is Super Dad! We both did double duty this week. We both were stretched thin. We both were tired. But we did it! And next week we will go back to our normal routine. Hopefully our 8 month old will start sleeping through the night again. It is crazy how much it rocks these kid’s world when I am not around for 5-6 hours. I am their world, and they are mine! I definitely feel important and needed at home, and that is a good feeling.

My life may not always be glamorous, but it is real. I especially love the way my husband is looking at our daughter in this photo. My kids are so lucky to have a dad that loves them so much!